What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session

You've made the appointment. Maybe you pushed for it. Maybe your partner did. Maybe you're both nervous and neither of you is saying so.

​

The first session is the hardest one — not because anything painful happens, but because you don't know what to expect. Most couples walk in with a mix of hope and dread, and that's completely normal. Here's what actually happens.

Before the session

There's no homework. No questionnaires to fill out. No required reading. Just show up. If you're doing a video session, make sure you're in a private space where you won't be interrupted. That's it.

​

Some couples worry about what to say first. Don't. That's my job. I'll guide the conversation from the start.

​

The First Few Minutes

I'll introduce myself, explain how I work, and set some ground rules. The most important one: both of you will be heard. I'm not going to take sides. I'm not going to decide who's right. My job is to understand what's happening between you and help you change it.

​

Then I'll ask a simple question: what brought you here?

​

You don't need a rehearsed answer. You don't need to agree on the answer. In fact, most couples give very different versions — and that's useful information.​

What I'm Paying Attention To

While you're talking, I'm not just listening to the words. I'm watching the dynamic. Who speaks first. Who shuts down. Who gets defensive. How you respond to each other in real time.

​

This is where my approach is different from what you might expect. I don't just collect your history and send you home. If I see a pattern happening in the room — the same one that's been playing out in your kitchen for years — I'll name it. And I'll help you do something different with it, right there.

​

That's what most couples tell me surprises them the most about the first session. They expect to talk about problems. They don't expect to actually start working on them.

What I Won't Do

I won't assign blame. I won't tell you whether to stay together or separate. I won't push an agenda. And I won't let the session turn into a courtroom where both of you are building a case against the other.

​

Therapy isn't about winning. It's about understanding what's broken in the dynamic and starting to fix it.

​

What Happens After

Most couples leave the first session feeling one of two things: relief that it wasn't as bad as they expected, or surprise that they actually felt something shift.

​

You won't have all the answers after one session. But you'll have a clearer sense of what's going on, how I work, and whether this feels like the right fit. If it does, we keep going. If it doesn't, I'll tell you — and I'll help you find someone who's a better match.

​

Common Concerns

What if my partner doesn't want to come?

Start alone. I work with one partner all the time. Often, once the other sees something shifting at home, they become willing to join.

​

What if we fight during the session?

Good. That's data. How you fight tells me more than what you fight about. I'll use it to show you both what's happening underneath.

 

What if I cry?

That happens. It means something is getting through. There's no judgment in the room.

 

What if we're not sure we even want to stay together?

That's one of the most common reasons couples start therapy. You don't need to have the answer before you come in. That's what we figure out together.

​

Take the First Step

If you've been going back and forth about whether to try therapy, you already know the answer. The hardest part is making the call.  Everything after that gets easier.

​

What to do next

If you recognized yourself in any of this, couples therapy can help. You don't have to wait for a crisis. You don't have to wait for your partner to be ready. You don't have to have it figured out.

​

The hardest part is reaching out. Everything after that gets easier.

​

I'm Dr. Jené Verchick, a licensed clinical psychologist with over 26 years of experience helping couples. I work with couples throughout California via secure video sessions. If you're ready to take the first step, get in touch.

​

I offer couples therapy in Beverly Hills, Pacific Palisades, Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, Palos Verdes, Malibu, Westlake Village, and Atherton.